We must identify our expectations regarding our relationships with other people. The brain is obsessed with aspects regarding society. They all can be explored to see why evolution made the brain so sensitive to these social issues. What is the cost of unconsciously expecting so much from our family, friends, coworkers and society in general? We live in a world where we steadily interact with other people, it will be very freeing to see how much we expect from all of them. How can the brain train itself to live life and demand less from other people and thereby gain more freedom by simply accepting that people will not always behave the way we want. With a little guidance we can see the unconscious assumptions we make in our relationships. We always neglect a few essential steps when we say I am angry/sad because of what you said/did….What are these steps? Once we have identified these unconscious assumptions and brought them to the light of awareness, we can transform the world we live in.
The SCARF model
David Rock establishes a model of social threats in his book ”Your Brain at Work”. These are:
- Social status
According to my experience the overwhelming majority of our thoughts fit in one of these categories. These have become the brain’s obsessions. These thoughts modify the physiological balance of the body (our precious homeostatic life). This physiological imbalance has a lot of impacts on our emotional stability. To identify these thoughts when they arise allows us to bring to consciousness an important part of our life that has made us so reactive to external situations.